All of us plussies here know what I’m talking about: the friend/relative/”friend” who, in the spirit of being “helpful” brings up your weight and broaches a conversation about dieting. These may be people who have known you for years, who know that there wasn’t some sudden weight gain, that you either started out heavy, or was around to witness the cause of it. I’ve even been approached by friends who ask me for advice on “how do I bring this up with my friend/relative/significant other?” I’ve also had it said to me bluntly by a few people that I “need to get some exercise,” despite my 30-45 minutes a day habit (as my health and energy levels allow). It’s an ass thing to say - the only thing you can know for sure about a person’s habits by looking at their body is whether they groom well. Beyond that, you just don’t know unless that person tells you in detail. And while Dr. House may be right, “everybody lies,” there are also some grains of truth in all of it when it comes to body health and plus people. We live in a world that will never allow us to forget we’re fat, after all.



My response is very similar to my response in giving a grieving person comfort: sometimes the best thing to do is just shut the fuck up. Now, grief is more complicated because you need to offer to listen and then, actually, listen. But when it comes to weight, even as a manifestation of grief… well, just shut up. Seriously. Our body types are a result of genetics and personal choice, and not a person alive knows where that line begins and ends. In some people it may be more obvious, but in truth, I haven’t seen a plussie shovel enormous amounts of fatty food in their mouths outside of a cartoon, or even eat larger portions than their peers. There isn’t a plussie I know who’s actually lazy - we’re under enough pressure that we go out of our ways to prove that we are active; I’m always seeing plus women out hiking, camping, walking - more than I see their thinner counterparts. Even among those of us who do drop our guards around each other and eat “bad” foods, there’s still an element of consciousness in what we do. Perhaps I’m blessed to live in a city where plus people are more common and are thus given more room to be self-aware. It’s hard to tell.



Nonetheless, if you see signs besides weightiness that suggest ill health and decline, then perhaps you should bring up finding ways to be healthier just by proposing different activities that require it. Invite your friend to play on your Wii. Go for walks. Challenge them to a basketball game. Maybe even do mall-walking so you can windowshop, or make fun of the skeletal mannequins. Open the door to including physical activity in social and fun time - but have some respect for your friend’s right to choose what happens to his or her body.



Our bodies are sovereign, and despite the onslaught of the media trying to convince us we should give up choices about how we treat our bodies in pursuit of a ridiculous ideal, it is our rite of passage to assume complete self-possession. Because when it comes to living in our bodies, it’s up to us whether we have a problem with it, but anyone else bringing on the media hype needs to be reminded that their expectations of your body are their problem, not yours.