I just read this post on Ask Metafilter about a young lady who wants to start dating, and the ensuing discussion was interesting. One person said, “Lose weight, and you’ll improve your options.” Which was responded to – impressively civilly, in my opinion, by a user kimdog, “For those telling you to lose weight… you really don’t have to. And for the love of god, don’t delay your desire to be in a relationship “until you lose weight”. I was a bit of a late bloomer, and my first couple of relationships in my 20′s were just weird because I felt grateful that a guy would date me because I was fat, and I put up with a lot of bullshit.
When I moved to NYC seven years ago, I started dating as a way to meet people more than anything else. I did the internet thing, and I was open about my weight (250lbs) and posted pictures that accurately reflected the way I look. I posted on “regular” dating sites, and on those that cater to fat folks (aka BBW, BHM). I got responses. Lots of responses. I had to weed through a lot of married guys, crazy guys, and guys who just wanted to get laid. But I ended up meeting a lot of really nice men. ”
I was pleased to see this pro-self-esteem posting, especially since Metafilter is a bit of a boys’ club, with the sort of boys who sometimes say atrocious things to women when they’re traveling in packs. I was also pleased to see some of my favorite bloggers mentioned as well (I, alas, was not – but hey, I’m really new). Speaking out for ourselves and others is one of the most important steps in raising self-esteem for all women. Second, I can’t agree more – my recent visit to NYC was quite the ego boost; just as many people were turning around to ogle me as they were my pretty and petite friend; this whole “thin is the only kind of beautiful” is really a marketed illusion we can choose not to buy. Given that New York and LA are the mythologized dictatorships where all things beautiful are designed and sold to those of us in “flyover land,” I was amused to see the natives weren’t buying into their home-grown mass marketing at all.
Kimdog’s wisdom holds true: don’t put up with any crap; being fat does not automatically make you unattractive, and you don’t have to settle for whoever will have you. The guys that try to convince you of that pretty much know they’re the booby prize and that’s why they do it!