I know some of you are dreading the holidays, because it means family, and that means a round of pinching and poking, asking when you’re going to lose some weight and get married. Most of it is insults under the guise of “but we really care about you!” Let’s face it, by this time, we all know that “really caring” is just an excuse to “lovingly” bully you. I’m a Hollaback girl, and I just want to encourage you all NOT to put up with it. You are beautiful as you are, and your mother just needs to get it through that you are NOT one of her ongoing projects – if you’re not perfect, then you’re perfectly normal. And if, one some level you think that “bullying” is good for you, some nice folks at the U of M have figured out that really, bugging overweight people about their weight doesn’t help them at all.
Remember, to be a true Hollaback girl:
1. Don’t swear.
2. Don’t make threats.
3. Don’t start out with counter-insults; wait until that’s all that’s left.
4. If someone – even granny – gets physically or verbally abusive with you, call the cops. Your family will probably blame you for “ruining Thanksgiving” but rest assured – and tell them clearly – that it was the person who decided to try to play power games with you that ruined it, all by her/himself.
Here are some general comebacks. Use them to acknowledge what was said, and then to change the subject:
- That’s your problem, not mine.
- It’s been demonstrated repeatedly that these studies about the health risks of obesity aren’t accurate or don’t have all the information; do some real reading instead of news-byte watching.
- If it’s a medical professional carrying on: “You know perfectly well that the medical field is too broad to know about everything with health, and this is NOT your specialty.”
- I like myself just fine, and you’re not going to convince me to not like myself.
- Clearly, you have some self-esteem issues you’re taking out on me. Have you thought of getting a pet?
- Your opinion is clearly important to you. It is not important to me.
If someone is taking pot-shots:
- How verbally abusive of you.Are you not feeling good about yourself?
- Enough with the pot shots.
- Your opinion is not nearly as important as you think it is.
- That was rude.
If they try the “you’ll die old and alone” line:
- Clearly that’s where you’re headed with that hateful behavior.
- Wow, your love life must suck right now if that’s what you think.
- Actually, I’m dating a lot these days. But I don’t want to introduce them to my family because you guys are an embarrassment, with that outdated attitude.
- One one occasion, I actually shouted at my mother, “I’m fat AND sexy. Deal with it!”
- Oh that’s right, you’re from the generation where you’re only worthwhile if you can get married. I’m so glad I have so much more freedom to live and love.
- (If culturally appropriate) You do know we’re off the dowry system and you won’t be getting any cows or chickens for me, right?
If they get really persistent:
- Go bully someone else now, your time is up.
- Oh, am I supposed to be today’s entertainment? That’ll be $20 an insult. You go get your checkbook, I’ll write up the contract on this napkin.
- I will press charges.
All I can say to all this – have a Happy Thanksgiving, and love yourself as you are. And no, I’ve never put Granny in jail.
Related posts: