What to wear to a funeral for plus sizes or anyone, really
the outfit from Fashion Bug I wore to my father's funeral
As some of you know from the meltdown posted on my blog on April, I had to attend my father’s funeral. It was a situation where I had expected to see my father in hospice and then turn around and come back for the funeral. I had a classic, square neck past-the-knee black dress I had intended to wear with simple black pumps. Straightforward, classic, but appropriate. As these things happen, my father died during my visit allowing me no time to return to Minnesota and get my dress, so I had to come up with something appropriate on a limited budget, quite fast. I wound up finding a nice dress and sweater set at Fashion Bug and some cheap pumps next door. This now leaves me with a dress that while adequate, is always going to be the dress I wore to my father’s funeral, whereas the one I had intended to wear I had worn before on different occasions and would not bear the same psychological taint. I’m contemplating ways to alter the dress so it won’t be that dress – and that is another time, for another post, after consulting a whole bunch of clothing alteration books and websites.
In the meantime, I realized that I have never read a fashion guide/clothing appropriate guide for funerals. I certainly can’t cover everything because funerals are as culturally diverse as weddings and that means that the “uniform” changes to. I’m pretty sure that there’s some bizarre cultural formula underlining my own internal guidelines for funerals, too.
But, on the fly, here’s what I could come up with from my experience with two Catholic and a horde of WASP funerals over the years:
- Most of the time, it’s not appropriate to wear all black at funerals. Some black is OK, but the head-to-toe black is out of vogue, and it’s sometimes requested by the departed before they depart that people don’t wear black at their funerals.
- It’s still viewed in poor taste to wear flashy prints or bright, celebratory colors. This would not be the day to wear that maxi dress.
- Pastels are usually OK unless you’ve got a picky great aunt who didn’t care that I didn’t have the budget to buy clothing she liked better like I did at my grandfather’s funeral.
- Since you’re honoring someone else’s life, the idea is to dress in such a way as to emote respect for the dead – but not to draw attention to yourself. This is not about you, it’s about the departed and the grief of the immediate family.
- Always make sure the clothing fits properly before you get there. If you can get it, use some Hollywood tape or double sided tape to make sure nothing gets loose – funerals already have foots-in-mouths, family drama, and lots of stress. Try to do what you can to keep the tiny freakout triggers under wraps.
- It’s always appropriate to have some tissue with you. Despite some individuals being weird, it’s normal to cry at funerals.