As a general rule, Iâ€™ve become vaguely opposed to giving fashion advice. Yes, that sounds very strange and a few of you have slammed your hands down and said something along the lines of â€œThen what the hell are you doing!!!!?â€
Well, provoking you for one. Where you are concerned, my work here is done, and I am much pleased.
I can go into great detail on how Iâ€™ve come to the conclusion my mission is not advice distribution later.
For now, I observe those who do distribute advice. Iâ€™ve noticed that a good chunk of the time, the â€œadviceâ€ comes not from an interest in the betterment of the advisee, but in fact addresses the advice-giverâ€™s personal prejudices and insecurities. Sometimes the advice also comes from a sponsor agreement. Rarely does the person ask questions about the advice seekers life: yes, you work an office job, but are your children covered in fingerpaint and mud when you come home? How much time do you have for your hair, and how likely are you going to keep it when your child realizes the fun she can have with scissors, Barbie and sleeping mommy? Do you take mass transit to work? Can the clothing I bought you stand up to the Febreeze application that sometimes necessitates?
The large-scale rebellion against the patronizing attitude toward plus-size womenâ€™s style has led to a halt in telling the fat that we canâ€™t wear white or horizontal stripes, but with any status change the original quo must have a push-back. And that push back is purses.
In the last few months, Iâ€™ve seen multiple interviews about the â€œproper size of purseâ€ for the â€œproper size of woman.â€ I can even think of a plus size woman I know who works in straight size fashion â€“ sheâ€™s somehow obtained a purse almost the size of her body, and whenever I see her sheâ€™s almost literally hiding behind it. In fact, when I do see her at a place we both frequent, I can tell itâ€™s her because I see her bag headed my way instead of her face. Iâ€™ve referred to her privately as â€œDrank the Kool-Aid girl,â€ so often I almost need reminders of her real name at this point.
All because they canâ€™t tell us to wear stripes, emphasize ourselves from the neck up (â€œBut youâ€™d be so pretty if â€¦â€) and wear dark colors so no one catches sight of us in the family portraits. So now, itâ€™s the utterly absurd and ridiculous â€œYour purse will flatter your figure if you get one so large I canâ€™t see you at all behind it!â€ Iâ€™d find this bit of crap advice hilarious if the pundits purveying it didnâ€™t look so damn proud of themselves for coming up with it.
This isnâ€™t advice on what purse to choose so much as it is a recommended line of reasoning:
You know exactly what you need to carry with you every day. If youâ€™re a lucky woman, you can get out the door with your license and keys because your lib balm, moisturizer and hairbrush all wait nestled in your desk at work. If your circumstances are different, however, you may need a large purse whether itâ€™s a diaper bag or something that doubles as a laptop bag. Your purse can be stylish if you wish it, but it should be chosen based on your needs, not on your size. If you want to wear an evening gown and carry a clutch, I assure you it makes no difference in the visual impact of your belly or bum.